How It Feels
by MidnightRose98
Summary: After Damon's death, Elena finally confronts her feelings for him- and is surprised by how devastated it has really left her.  Contains spoilers for Midnight.  *Now a minific  three chapters *


_AN: This is just a quick one-shot- the idea came to me while I was waiting for my food to finish in the microwave. I kinda spaced out and: BOOM idea! I'm using this as a way to get rid of that darn writer's block that's keeping me from updating He's Back. :) By the way, this is not a happy fic._

_Disclaimer: I do not own anything other than the words you are reading._

_Warning: Spoilers for Midnight. Major spoilers._

Elena sat by her parents' grave. She didn't care that it was one in the morning, nor did she care that it was lightning and thundering out. She had snuck out of the house after everyone had fallen asleep. She loved having her family back, but hated being back after _his_ death. She hated it all- the fake smiles, pretending everything was perfectly fine, and, worst of all, she couldn't tell her friends how she really felt. Stefan would be devastated by her true feelings, Meredith couldn't understand how it was even possible, Bonnie was heartbroken and felt guilty enough, and Matt hated Damon. Elena couldn't even risk putting it in her diary in case someone ever looked.

Because she, Elena Gilbert, had fallen in love with Damon Salvatore. He was exciting, dangerous, sexy, sarcastic, and annoying-as-all-hell at times, but she still loved every bit of it. She had started out hating him, seeing him only as an enemy. And yet, here she was, heartbroken and alone because he was gone.

Elena wrapped her arms around her jean-clad legs, tucking them into her chest. The wind played with her hair, twisting and knotting it as it flew around her head. Occasionally, lightning lit up the sky casting a brief eerie glow on everything. She shuddered as the wind picked up.

Suddenly, she stood up and screamed while looking up towards the sky, "You weren't supposed to die! W-we were supposed to defeat Shinichi and get our happily ever after! Why did you have to die, Damon? Why did it have to happen when I finally figured out my feelings? It isn't fair! We never g-got the chance to be truly together and now we never will!" Her voice broke at the last sentence and tears began to stream down her face.

With much anguish in her voice, she whispered, "I love you Damon. So why did you have to leave me here?"

Without a warning, the sky flashed with a large bolt of lightning and rain finally began to fall. It wasn't a soft shower, but rather a full torrential downpour. Elena stared up at the sky and gave a short, exasperated laugh. Her tears mingled with the rain as she stood in the storm. The weather matched her emotions- violent, angry, and yet, in a sense, desperate. The storm seemed to be desperately trying to prove something and be as explosive as possible. She was desperate to know why: why she always lost the people she loved most. Why their deaths always led back to her- her parents and Damon especially.

Elena began to walk back to her house, not sure how she would be able to climb up the tree by her window since it was wet. She decided to worry about that when she got there, and instead thought of Damon and all the amazing times they had had together. She ignored the ache in her chest and the tears rolling down her cheeks and solely focused on the memories. They made the walk home feel shorter and less miserable and Elena was surprised when she found herself in the driveway of her home. She managed to sneak back into her bedroom through the window. Elena quickly took the cold, wet clothes off and changed into a comfortable pair of sweats and a t-shirt.

She sat down on her bed and thought for a minute. She decided to officially end things with Stefan tomorrow and let him be with someone who could truly love him back. Elena knew that she would never love anyone else but Damon. He had captured her heart and love. She was sure that the love she felt for Damon would never fade, just as the pain would never go away.

Elena tiredly curled up onto her bed and quickly fell asleep. Her last thought was, _"I love you, Damon Salvatore."_

_Song for this fic: Running Up That Hill- Placebo_

_AN: Eh, I'm semi happy with the outcome of this. In case you were wondering, this takes place after Midnight. Elena doesn't know that Damon's alive, so this is my take on her feelings about Damon. I hope you liked it. Please, let me know by clicking that little review button down there and writing a few words. :)_

_~MidnightRose98_


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